How to Support Your Children Through Divorce
When going through a divorce it can be difficult to manage your own emotions and life changes while also trying to support your children. As impactful as your emotions are, theirs will be the same, except they may have a harder time understanding or accepting the changes going on around them
So, to help make this trying time a little easier for you and your children, we have compiled a list of things you can do to support them.
Understand Emotional Responses in Children
The first step is to understand their emotional responses. Going from having both parents around all the time to only one or having to split their time can feel overwhelming and confusing, especially for younger children. To them a divorce can feel like their whole worldview is changing around them, which can make them feel lost, confused and even angry.
It is normal for children to act out a little during this time while they try to understand and accept the changes. So, you may need to be a little extra patient with them and offer some extra support.
Have Clear Communication
Children may not understand the changes or why they are happening, which can make them even more overwhelmed or upset. Having clear conversations with them about the divorce and changes in the living arrangements can help to make the process a little smoother.
However, you may need to be tactful in the way you communicate with them to ensure they understand. It’s also important to make sure they understand both parents still love them and that the situation is not their fault, as some children may naturally feel guilt or blame themselves when they don’t understand.
Protect Your Children From Co-Parenting Conflict
As a side note to having clear communication, it’s also important to communicate clearly and effectively with your co-parent. It is normal for there to be misunderstandings and conflict while the divorce is fresh and you are both trying to agree on arrangements.
During this process, it’s best to keep children away from and out of these conflicts to reduce further emotional confusion. For the smoothest transition, collaborative approaches are best, however, if you’re finding it difficult to communicate between yourselves or reach a mutually beneficial agreement, mediation or family dispute resolution services can help.
Engage Practical Support Techniques
In addition to offering support and clear communication, there are also practical techniques that you can enact. This can include creating a sense of stability for children or seeking professional services.
During a time when everything feels upside down, it can be helpful to create a sense of stability. This can include encouraging consistent routines for when your children visit each parent, who takes them to school and extracurricular activities and keeping weekends smooth yet fun.
While we understand that this can be difficult in the early stages of the divorce, it should be a priority to set stable co-parenting arrangements as soon as possible.
Prioritise Self Care
During the early stages of the divorce especially, it’s essential to prioritise self-care, both for yourself and your children. Taking care of yourself takes care of more than just yourself. This is to say that, you are unable to give your best self and support to your children if you are not taking care of yourself.
By setting aside time to care for yourself and your own emotions regarding the situation, you can then use the rest of your time to be there for your children and provide them with the support they need.
Self-care can also be something that you can do with your children in the form of a spa or relaxation day. You can use this as an opportunity to bond with your children and show them that it is important to care for their emotions and well-being.
Consider Professional Support Services
Finally, you don’t have to do it all alone! When going through a divorce, you may feel like you have to be strong and prove that you can manage everything on your own, but that is not true. This mentality can actually make things more difficult and result in burnout and more stress.
Instead, lean on support services available to you. This can include counselling, therapy or mediation.
Family or individual counselling or therapy can help you and your children to process your emotions more effectively and accept the changes. Adult and child counsellors or therapists are trained to help their clients through difficult and confusing situations, such as divorces. While your support is great, having an impartial, professional service can also be beneficial for children.
Or, if you’re struggling with creating a mutually beneficial co-parenting arrangement or communicating with your co-parent, you can consider professional mediation. These services can help you develop respectful communication styles and guide negotiations for a smooth and peaceful resolution for everyone involved.
Provide Your Children with the Support They Need
Divorces create trying times for everyone involved, especially children. But with a lot of support, communication and self-care, you can make this lifestyle transition a little smoother. Remember that your children may not understand everything going on in their family, so be there for them and explain any changes as clearly as possible.
If you need any support with finalising your divorce or creating peaceful co-parenting arrangements, our family law professionals at Richard Zande and Associates can help.